How do I Breathe?
by ShadowGrafAngel
Summary: Songfic through Edward & Bella's POV. Takes place during New Moon. If you're looking for a happy ending- you wont find it in here. Rated T because this may not be suitable for kids to read. warning: character death  Disclaimer-I don't own Twilight/Song


_**Bella's POV**_

He was gone, still, like he had been for the past four years. Right, I was supposed to forget his existence, I wish. I wish it had been that easy, to simply forget him, the heartbreak, the fact that he was only leading me on the whole time. Never actually in love with me, just toying with my insignificant human feelings.

**How do I breathe, yeah?  
How do I breathe, yeah?**

When he left he destroyed my heart and took my breath. Destroying my only chance at life with only a few words on his part. I guess it was mainly my fault though. He was a god while I was…plain, painfully plain. I had known from the start that he would leave me, that this wouldn't last.

_**[Verse:]**_**  
It feels so different being here,  
I was so used to being next to you,  
Life for me is not the same,  
There's no one to turn to.  
I don't know why I let it go too far,  
Starting over - it's so hard.  
Seems like everywhere I try to go,  
I keep thinking of you.**

Everywhere I go everything I do. It all reminds me of him. I can stop the memories from flooding in about as much as the nightmares. **  
**  
_**Edward's POV**_**  
I just had a wake up call,  
Wishing that I never let you fall,  
Baby you are not to blame at all.  
when I'm the one that pushed you away.  
Baby if you knew I cared,  
You'd have never went nowhere (nowhere),  
Girl I should've been right there**.

'I had to leave her,' that is the constant in my mind. It's for her safety; she was always safer without me. She always blamed herself for the things I did, or someone else. I don't want to be away from her, God it's so hard staying away. Even if I did go back, she would never take me back. I was the one that pushed her away; she had tried to change my mind. But she believed me so quickly when I told her I didn't love her. She wouldn't have let me leave if she truly wanted me to stay, her memories will fade; it's for the better anyways.

_**Bella's POV**_**  
How do I breathe  
Without you here by my side?  
How will I see  
When your love brought me to the light?  
Where do I go  
When your heart's where I lay my head?  
When you're not with me,  
How do I breathe?  
How do I breathe?**

How will I keep going without him? I'm already dying, I can feel it. I don't eat; hardly sleep, there's no way I can survive this. He's not there anymore, not in my bed where we use to lay with my head laying atop his silent heart. How can I breathe without my air, how can I live without my love?**  
**  
_**[Verse:]**_**  
Girl I'm losin' my mind.  
Yes I made a mistake.  
I thought that you would be mine.  
Guess the joke was on me.  
I miss you so bad, I can't sleep.  
I wish I knew where you could be.  
Another dude is replacing me,  
God this can't be happening**.

I'm losing my mind, I thought I saw him today. Impossible, he's never coming back, no back here, no back for me. Why would he? I was never worth anything, especially not to him. I thought that we could be together, it was a slim chance, but a chance. I guess the joke was on me, the worthless one. God, I wish I knew where he was, to see his face one more time. I know it would hurt more, but….I just miss him. I'm trying to fill the hole in my heart, but it won't be filled. No human, wolf, or vampire can ever take his place.

_**Edward POV**_**  
I just had a wakeup call (call),  
Wishing that I never let you fall (fall);  
Baby you are not to blame at all.  
When I'm the one that pushed you away  
Baby if you knew I cared (cared),  
you'd have never went nowhere (nowhere),  
Girl I should've been right there.**

I should still be there…No. But the look on her face when I was leaving…She'll forget everything about me, just give her a little time. She looked so broken, she believed me so quickly, and did she ever listen when I told her I loved her? Why can't I stop thinking about her for even one minute?

_**Bella POV**_**  
(And I wonder...)  
How do I breathe  
Without you here by my side?  
How will I see  
When your love brought me to the light?  
Where do I go  
When your heart's where I lay my head?  
When you're not with me (I'm saying),  
How do I breathe?  
How do I breathe?**

Jake helps, but he still doesn't make it so I can breathe when I'm lying in bed, alone, with the dreams of his leaving swirling through my thoughts. I can't breathe anymore, he's not here, he took my heart and my breath all in one blow.**  
**  
_**[Verse:]**_**  
I can't get over you, no  
Baby I don't wanna let go, no  
Girl you need to come home  
Girl come back to me  
'Cause girl you made it hard to breathe  
When you're not with me.**

I don't want to let go of the memories, but they hurt so bad since he was just acting the whole time. I want him back in my arms, but he never will be again. He'll never come back for the worthless me, the human me. He always said I never saw myself clearly, he never did either. He saw a monster, at least that's what he said to me. Maybe it was all just to make sure I didn't get to close, so that when he left, it would be fine soon after. It's so hard to breathe with the images of him in my mind, not like it use to be. It use to be from his un godly beauty, now it's from the pain scorching through my body at the mention of his name.**  
**  
_**Edward POV**_**  
(Tell me)  
How do I breathe  
Without you here by my side?  
How will I see  
When your love brought me to the light?  
Where do I go (where do I, where do I go)  
When your heart's where I lay my head?  
When you're not with me,  
How do I breathe?**

**How do I breathe?**

The pain of being away from her…burns worse than the venom that changes us into the monstrosities that we are. Having a problem breathing problem with her next to me, with her blood tormenting me, taunting me, is nothing compared to the pain of her not being there. When I left her I shut down, I can no longer see. She was the one who brought me to the light, to where I could see. The thumping of her heart plays through my head in a torturous serenade. I use to listen to hear heart, becoming so attuned to it that I could spot her anywhere in a crowd if I could hear her heart.

**  
**_**Bella POV**_**  
Without you here by my side?  
How will I see (how will I see)  
When your love brought me to the light (baby, baby)?  
Where do I go (where do)  
When your heart's where I lay my head?  
When you're not with me (you're not with me),  
How do I breathe (how do I breathe)?  
How do I breathe?**

It's too hard; I'm just a shell of what I was. I can't continue anymore. I know I promised to stay safe, but he made me a few promises and all were broken. I don't need to follow the promise I made when his is broken.

I grabbed my keys, my pocket knife, you never know when you're going to need it, and a water bottle, and headed out to my motorcycle. As soon as I got out of town I put my baby to full speed. I didn't care about death anymore so why would it matter if I was speeding? I drove into La Push and speed along to the beach. I stopped in a rush at the cliffs, where most people did their cliff diving, and ran, not stopping as my bike toppled over the edge.

I reached the only cliff where nobody, not even the wolves, dived. It was too high and, if you were smart enough to look down, there were jagged rocks peeking up from the wave crests, the waves too high and the current too strong.

I dug through my pockets and pulled out my knife and bottle of Motrin, I was prone to headaches. I didn't know how much you needed to take till you overdosed so I dumped all the Motrin into my hand and started chugging them down with my bottle of water. After that was finished I flicked open my knife and made a test cut on the pad of my thumb. It was sharp; I had made sure it would be.

I drew the blade across the skin of my wrist; an invisible line. I pushed a little harder on it until I saw a drop of red and smelt the metallic smell of blood. I lifted my knife and with a swift flick of my wrist, it had been practiced so many times over the months, I slit my left wrist. I felt it go through skin and muscle, painful ecstasy. I made a violent slash at my right wrist. I looked at my wrists as they pumped out my life. I was draining fast; I could feel my life slipping away.

I slowly stood up and walked toward the edge of the cliff, slightly wobbling as I walked. I looked down at the waves crashing over the jagged rocks. I probably wouldn't even feel it.

I threw myself over the edge, stomach down. I was going to impale myself with rocks, but I wouldn't even feel it. My vision was already fading, my world growing darker as I got closer. I didn't fear it though; I welcomed the darkness and the rush of danger as I neared my death by the second. The last thing I saw before it all went dark was a beautiful bronze haired angel, looking down in horror as I fell and the blood dripping down the rocks into the water. His screams echoing in my ears were the last thing that I heard before I died. The loud moaning of his sorrow would have made my heart ache if it had not already been pierced by the rocks.


End file.
